Andrea Lee
Ms. Johnson
December 11, 2006
For my dearest teacher Ms. Johnson
For my dearest supporter my mom
For my dearest friend Nina
This poetry portfolio meant a lot to me. It gave me time to think and organize my thoughts. I spent most of my times in my room when I wrote these poems. I do my best when I am alone in my room concentrating only on the task that is in front of me. Ideas just flow in my head and I just have to write down. My most inspired work is “Faded Memory” which I shared my personal memories and feelings on the poem. I tried to show as much images are possible but it’s the memories that are complicated so readers won’t know until they see the memories inside me.
When I write poems everything inspires me. Even a little tiny raindrop inspired me to write Haiku. The nature especially inspires me to write. I get sensitive when I write poems, and try to seek for something beyond the fact on the surface. I look at everything differently. Everything looks special and it looks like it has a meaning inside. Some people really inspire me to write, like my friends. My friends’ random action just inspires me. Surround by 32 dorm students, everyday is like a war. Especially before devotion, everybody tries to grab their snacks as much as possible. Noises are everywhere and every sound is unique. When I am really sad or happy I just want to express my feelings on the paper. Events like somebody’s death or winning a game just wants me to write poems.
My experiences are what I value the most. Experiencing is the easiest way of understanding. If you understand and pick the topic, then that is the beginning of writing process. No matter what you do if there aren’t any beginnings then that is nothing. Beginning starts people’s mind and it leads to bodies and resolution. In some essays picking a topic is half of the essay, which is writing the beginning part of your writing process.
I learned all the 5 traits of writing are important. If any of them are missing, then that essay is incomplete. It doesn’t attract the readers to continue from reading essay. If you are missing ideas, then it’s like missing a topic of your essay, and organization can attract readers just by scanning the paper and also can help readers to understand. Missing voice in essay is like eating french-fries without ketchup. It will be like reading a dictionary. Word choices can also help readers to understand. Conventions can slow readers down by having too much mistakes and that will reduce the fun of reading an essay. Knowing this made me change lot in my style of writing. After knowing the 5 traits, I tried to fix and practice the part I am lack at. That made my writing much appealing and interesting. I actually got better grades. I didn’t even know there was category on word choice. The knowledge of 5 traits definitely made my writing better and easier.
All the Cacophony of the Break Time 1
Sound Poem
Why Poetry? 2
List Poem
Rainy Day under Wood 3
Haiku
Faded Memory 4
Narrative Poem
At the End of the Line 5
Villanelle
Andrea Lee
Page 1
Sound Poem
Students
Draft 5
All the Cacophony of the Break Time
Shouting
Laughing
Giggling
All the cacophony of students
in the classroom during break time
If someone tells a joke,
students laugh and giggle
like a clown
Their funny jokes seem like
it has no end
like 6-foot Fruit Roll-Ups
They shout and yell,
even when they are just next to each other
They are little Tarzans calling animal friends,
swinging through the wild African jungle
Stomping
Running
Crashing
All the cacophony of the hallways
during the break time
Running up and down the stairs,
trying to get to the locker
before the teacher finds out
they don’t have their text books
Then dropping that text book on the floor,
when they are in rush
won’t help them go any faster
to the classroom
All the cacophony in every school,
every break time might be different
But one cacophony,
one cacophony will be the same everywhere
Spinning
Storming
Scribbling
All the cacophony of students thinking,
trying to finish homework
before the bell rings
Andrea Lee
1A
Self Assessment
All the Cacophony of the Break Time
The mood of this poem is bright and light. This poem shows an everyday scene, that the readers have seen or even experienced. Once in awhile, everybody can forget homework and just remember right before the class begins. Students try to make a good excuse so they can stay out of getting in trouble.
The idea is easy to summarize and main idea is easy to identify and they are fairly well-defined. It might bring some questions to readers but poem answers pretty well. There are some grammatical errors but the idea is clear. It doesn’t impair meaning or significantly slow readers down. The organization is purposeful and the structure guides the readers through the poem and shows the main ideas. The elements within the piece are effectively arranged to promote understanding. The stanza is well divided. The ending has a nice shift and good repetition to emphasis the main idea.
The writing is appealing with attractive and readable font. It makes readers want to read. The poem is honest and passionate and it creates confidence voice. The voice is also appropriate to the audience and purpose. The choice of audience is great. Every student probably had experience of finishing homework right before the bell and turning it in. The voice is calm, bright, and light. The word choice wasn’t that great but the idea was clear. Good use of metaphors and similes though out the poem but not all fits in. It has somewhat strong verbs that make text lively. Modifiers support meaning and imagery but sometimes it goes too far.
The poem had good ideas but it was too common. It shares everyday life scene into special moment. In whole portfolio, this poem is the loud and arrogance state that leads to the complaining state. This is like the 10-20 age of human cycle where your action and words are impulsive and wild.
Andrea Lee
Page 2
List Poem
Students
Draft 4
Why Poetry?
Why poetry?
I don’t like Poetry!
Who does?
I never did!
It’s just bad as
drinking 4-day old rotten milk!
Poetry is as hard as basketball tryouts,
Complicated as PSAT reading section
Too big like space,
where you never know where it’s going to end
Too deep like the bottom of an ocean,
where you can’t even see a thing
because of the darkness that lays there
Unless you put light bulb on your head
I am not good at writing poetry
worse than my Chinese,
I never get As on it
I always get Bs and Cs or maybe even a D!
I don’t understand
it’s like learning Algebra II without the teacher,
And it’s too much work for just a few lines!
But sometimes
when you are depressed or happy,
like getting a bad grade in your math exam
or your brother’s birthday.
When you just want to express
your thinking and feelings freely,
like a children’s art,
Writing poetry isn’t that bad, is it?
Why not poetry?
Andrea Lee
2A
Self Assessment
Why Poetry?
Most students in this world won’t really like writing or reading poems. Same goes with me too. No matter what the excuse is the fact that everybody hates poems doesn’t change. Before my teacher told me there is a poem like list poem that you just list it, I absolutely hated poems. I thought there is only one way to write poems. That is boring! After figuring out there is lot more ways to write poems, it felt better. Writing poems isn’t that bad.
I noticed there are many metaphors and similes to give more images. This is great. Also I see nice shift at the end. It goes with the flow in the poem and it also fits well with the title. It’s really interesting to see how people think differently to one topic. The message makes sense and main idea is well shown. The details are very interesting and it shows readers what writer is thinking. There are not much grammatical errors. It clearly shows what writer wants to say. The punctuation is confusing but it doesn’t really slow down the readers. The writer uses conventions skillfully and creatively to bring out meaning and voice. It answers the reader’s questions thoroughly and well.
The organizational pattern and structure guides the reader to main ideas. Pacing is adequate, the writer gives extra time to complex or technical issues. Ending is satisfying and has a nice shift. The writer’s voice is passionate and honest when appropriate and has confident voice. It’s also very appealing. The writer’s curiosity and enthusiasm is contagious and readers want to keep reading. The word choices are clear inmost cases. The writer achieves a strong consistent sense of balance and metaphors and sillies shows images but sometimes it’s overdone.
The poem shares writer’s feeling with readers. Readers can agree to writers and also feel the feelings. In whole portfolio, this poem is the complaining state that leads to the clam state. This is like the 30-40 age of human cycle where you are searching and digging for the truth and purpose of life. In that process there will be some complain, but it will end smooth.
Andrea Lee
Page 3
Haiku
Students
Draft 4
Rainy Day under Wood
Under titan wood,
Tiny, plump raindrops drooping,
Precariously.
Andrea Lee
3A
Self Assessment
Rainy Day under Wood
I got the idea of this poem in rainy day looking at the roof that had raindrops hanging. Haiku is about nature so instead of plastic roof, I wrote wood. I thought Haiku was going to be little break but it was harder than I thought. You have to count every word to check if it has right syllables. First I was thinking of writing deep woods where you can’t see a light coming through but unfortunately that didn’t give me enough details to write Haiku. I have never seen forest or jungle that is totally surrounded by trees. I tried to keep the topic simple and scene that everybody imaged before or even seen it before. So I was just looking out the window and got idea.
I think my idea is pretty clear. It shows the readers what the scene I am writing. Under the big tree there are fat, little raindrops hanging dangerously. I tried to put the theme in the poem which is there is always the other side of everything. It means don’t prejudge stuff by its look. I don’t think people can really catch my theme but hope this helps you understand the message.
Since this poem is Haiku, there weren’t any grammatical errors. The word “titan” wasn’t the right form but to follow the rule of Haiku, I had to cut it. I don’t think my punctuation bothers any of the readers. I also think it’s pretty appealing. The title wasn’t really appealing but this is everyday life scene. I think my word choice was pretty good. I think the last line, “precariously” ends the poem well. But I am not sure if I made the right choice to choose the word “drooping” for that line. Originally I had word “hanging”, but I changed.
The organizational pattern is ideally suited to topic and its purpose, and the structure guides readers to the main ideas. I also think my pacing was appropriate. This paper doesn’t really stand out among other paper but there is definitely voice in it. This poem shows a balance between honesty and passion. This poem also makes readers to continue reading.
Overall, I think this poem was good. This poem made everyday life scene into special moment. The message is clear, focused, concise, and easy to summarize. In whole portfolio, this poem is the calm state that leads to end. This is like the 40-60 age of human cycle where you know what you are doing and thinking about your future.
Andrea Lee
Page 4
Narrative Poem
People who knows PAS
Draft 4
Faded Memory
I live in the door way,
between two rooms.
I open the room that has old
but familiar doorknob.
It’s like seeing your old house
which you haven’t visited for forever.
The door is very old
colored with blue and gold,
when you gently touch them with finger tips
looks like it will break.
In that door I see people,
close friends making a very funny joke.
When they heard
the old rusty door opening sound,
which sounded like
nail scratching against the chalk board,
they waved at me
waiting for me to join them.
They are not just friends but family.
The air in that room is
filled with laughter, joy, and fun.
The laugh can be even heard from outer space.
But the laugh feels somewhat empty.
Like chocolate chip cookie without chocolate chip.
As soon as I step into that room,
the color of the memory
starts to fade and dies away to brown.
Salience, nothing moves.
The vivid and live colors are gone only old remains
Tear drops I take a quick step back.
Then I know this is not my place
and I don’t belong here.
Just watching inside at the door way,
I see people hugging with bitter smiles.
Happy smiles but hallow.
Smiles that make your heart ache,
and make your eyes watery.
They know it’s hard but they have to let it go.
They know it’s not the end just a new start.
They know they have to go their own path.
Panther Pride,
that was the name.
It’s an end but also a new start.
I turn slowly but determine
to the other side, other door.
The doorknob is fresh and clean.
The door looks very strong
that will not break or even move
with a gentle finger push.
In the other door, I see people.
Different people but
same smiles, laughter, and joy.
I take a step in, nothing happens.
The memory is still covered,
with fresh and new color.
People are still moving in vivid motion.
I feel the new warm air,
and I know I belong here.
Dragon pride.
It’s the new start, new name.
No matter where I go,
how much time it passes,
history is not over.
That faded memory will still move in my heart,
and will never stop until the end of my heart beat.
Andrea Lee
Page 5
Villanelle
Adults
Draft 4
At the End of the Line
At the end of the line,
There must be a Garden of Eden waiting for me.
But what if end of my line is just filled with dust and grime?
What if I have to pay a fine
Before I enter a Garden of Eden and be free?
At the end of the line.
The line where you get another mission assign,
No one knows the where the line ends like an enormous sea.
But what if end of my line is just filled with dust and grime?
Wise and truthful man shall shine,
Malicious and evil man will corrupt, as God decree,
At the end of the line.
There must be ambrosia, but bitter glass of wine,
Or maybe even a cup of sweet tea.
But what if end of my line is just filled with dust and grime?
All the happiness and blessing shall be mine,
All the kind things I’ve done shall be the key,
At the end of the line.
But what if end of my line is just filled with dust and grime?
